You may have heard the term reactive, “he is being reactive”, or you may have heard some pick up artist talk how being reactive is bad, and instead what you want is to be non-reactive or sometimes they also use the word ICY.

Well yes being non-reactive is one of the most important qualities that a man can cultivate. It will make you incredibly attractive to women and beyond that it will make you an overall badass in life.

So let me explain what I understand now about being reactive. I’ll use an example, so let’s say you are talking to a woman, you say hi, from this very moment the degree of reactivity you have, is going to play a huge rule in how the whole interaction plays out, in fact, the way that this interaction is going to go down, was actually decided days, weeks, months or even years ago, but I don’t want to over complicate things here, so let’s just simplify things for convenience.

You say HI. Now some people underestimate how much a simple hi can communicate, the girl is already receiving a ton of information about you, her brain is running all sort of programs most of them unconsciously to figure out how to interact with you. And in this case talking about reactivity, she is already figuring out how reactive you are.

I did a breakdown of James Bond years ago, in that video I show you James Bond face very up close and I talk about how solid his facial expression is, you can see that James Bond face doesn’t shift, he has a smirk in his face the hole time that he is interacting with this girl, and he doesn’t remove this smirk from his face, even when the girl Solange doesn’t give him feedback right away.

I love this scene because is so illustrative of what being non-reactive looks like. Now take that concept to real life, to saying hi to a girl.

The ability to say hi to a girl and look at her with confidence and with seductive eye contact and maybe with a little smirk in your face, and to not shift this facial expression or the eye contact or the whole vibe being transmitted is a sign of how reactive you are.

I can tell you from personal experience that I still have problems being non-reactive, so sometimes I approach a girl and I say hi, and even from the very start my Hi is not confident, I try to put on a smile on my face, but the smile keeps shifting into a face of worry and fear, yes sometimes I say hi and my face is saying I am afraid. Now this is a problem that many men have.

Most men out there cannot be smooth enough or non-reactive enough to be able to just do the most simple of things, like walking up to a girl with a smile in their faces and say hi with a warm tonality.

So over the years I noticed that this was like the main thing I needed to work on. And it takes time to fix this when you come from a background of extreme shyness.

Think of the super nerdy guy, maybe like Morty, from Rick and Morty, walking up to Elisabeth the hot girl from school and saying hi to her. From the very beginning Morty is all over the place, he is not solid and smooth like James Bond.

So what is going on? What is this reactivity thing? Where is it coming from?

Well is actually very simple.

The more reactive you are, the more suppressed or repressed (to me this words mean the same) negative emotions or negative energy you have in your subconscious and this repressed energy is making you think nonstop and have all sort of anxious thoughts.

And so you are walking around carrying an immense amount of fear inside you, and this makes you super paranoid about what others think of you, because you are afraid of everything, and so you have to be thinking all of the time how to control every little thing, and your mind is going crazy all of the time, and because you are so afraid, you are always thinking about protecting yourself, and you cannot act freely express yourself with confidence and ease and just say what’s in your mind, because you are blocked by all of the fearful thoughts that you have, and whenever you are interacting with people you are micromanaging everything that you do trying to be safe, and this is not just the immediate safety but also the safety of your self-image, the mental picture that you have of yourself in your head.

So because your mind is always thinking nonstop, you cannot relax, and this generates all of this little ticks and weird micro movements for example of the pupils, you cannot hold steady , focus yet relaxed eye contact with a girl because your mind is thinking, thinking, thinking, and thinking gets reflected in your eye contact and many other subtle subcommunications.

You worry about how this interaction could hurt you or the idea of you.

So you cannot just walk up to a girl and say hi with a smirk in your face and keep it there no matter what happens like James Bond. You are all reactive like Morty, all nervous your mind is like Ooh shit this so scary I don’t want to get hurt, I’m already in pain, I don’t think I can handle any more novelty in my life.

A part of you doesn’t even want to get the girl because what if the girl is a psycho and now you have sex with her and then all sorts of problems arise because of that, you don’t want to deal with that, and your super reactive and afraid mind is thinking about all of this scary possibilities, so the solid James Bond Smirk is not possible for a man that has a reactive mind like this one.

And this applies to everything in life. From getting that promotion at work, or building your own business or handling anything in life. The more reactive you are the less control you are going to have to manage any type of situation.

For example, and yes I always use this example, think of Donald Trump right now, do you think Donald has a reactive mind? Fuck no! He is one of the most non-reactive humans in the planet, that’s why he is a boss, and he is able to manage the most powerful country in the world with relative ease.

If you are reactive then you are going to freak out with every little thing that happens, and if you are super reactive everything is scary, and if you are non-reactive on the other hand nothing is scary, nothing is a big deal. Even dealing with a global pandemic is not a big deal.

So the secret to deal with your reactive mind is to stop thinking, and one of the most impactful techniques that I and others have tried to stop thinking is the release technique or the letting go technique.

Where you basically focus on the energy, so for example here little Morty would have to be like oh shit I feel so anxious about talking to Jessica, and if I were guiding him to release his anxiety I would tell him:\

Hey Morty sit down, ok, so what are you feeling right now?

Anxiety Gabe.

Ok Morty. Can you just focus on the sensations of this emotion, how does it feels in your body.

Yes I can. It feels uncomfortable, like fear.

Ok then just breath and feel, and let all of this thoughts about Jessica go.

Can you let this thoughts about Jessica go, and remove your attention from this thoughts and just place your attention in what you are feeling at this moment.

Yes I can.

Ok then just feel the sensation.
And then I would ask can you let go of this emotion of anxiety.

The emotion is not you, is just something that is appearing in awareness and so if it is not you then you can let go of it, so can you let go of this emotion?

Yes, yes I can.

And that would be an example of how you do it.

Now not all of the time the emotions just leave right away but it gets better, I think that the main job here is to cut the link between the thoughts and the emotion.

As you do this you start to think less and less and the emotions also start to dissolve and so you start to feel more at peace with everything in your life.

Now of course this is just one thing that you could do, you have other tools, bioenergetics, cold showers, meditation, exercise, martial arts, going out and approaching more girls, exposing yourself to social pressure, etc.

And so this translates in to you now seeing that hot girl and approaching and saying hi, and not caring so much about what she does after that, because there’s much less fear, and because there is also a lot less thoughts going on in your head you are also much more solid externally meaning you can smile if you want and keep the smile, all of the little twitches start to vanish and you start to feel more and more icy, because nothing disturbs you anymore.

And so you can probably tell why this is super attractive to women.

A nonreactive man means that if she gets with this man, she is going to be around a REAL man that can protect her, that can be solid like a fucking giant tree with very deep roots that cannot be shake.

Non reactivity is also what allows for a super strong frame. Your interpretation of what is going on becomes the interpretation of the girl, and you chose what is the context of the interaction, with a strong frame if you are like I’m saying hi to this girl and the context or the frame is I’m an attractive man, and she is a hot girl that is attracted to me, and we are flirting and having fun, then that’s the context, that’s the frame, and that becomes reality.

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